I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
