Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
