you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
