I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
