i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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