It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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