My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
