I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
