And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, beer. Big fan.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize