he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
we should paint friendship bongs
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
