doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
