he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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