Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
