Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
