Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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