Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
