There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize