Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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