as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize