is your mom at the bar?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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