So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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