so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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