we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
