now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
