What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize