pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she looked like the before picture.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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