Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
