ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
