Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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