what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
