My first STD was from a foam party
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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