I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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