then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize