I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
