i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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