i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
