just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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