I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
