This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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