She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
