Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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