So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
