I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
