He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
