ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
