omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
