Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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