I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you never un-have a 4some
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
