I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
