Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
