he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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