giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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