Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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