One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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