Will you blow on my dice?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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