Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
