Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
