my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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