shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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