You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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