well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
