He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
