His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
