did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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