True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize