and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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